Drowning

This is how i feel

I do not want to live anymore

The pain is just too much

If only i could end it now

Put my misery to an end

I’ve lost my friends

I’ve lost my life

I don’t know who i am

I’ve lost myself

I want to die

My wrists are cut

The world has faded to black

The girl i used to be

No longer exists

Swept away in the storm

I cry one thousand tears

Of mourning

For what i wish i knew

I’m leaving this world

It pain it’s loss

It’s complete and utter darkness

Goodbye cruel world

It’s over now

The pain of the knife

Equals the end of my life

My vision blurrs

The blood pours onto the floor

I hope they miss me

I hope they cry

They deserve all they are getting

On second thoughts

Does anyone know i exist?

My last breath in this world

A beautiful relief at last…..

I'm not afraid
Of who you are
Or if you'll leave
me With a scar

I'm not afraid
Of what you'll do
No matter what
I will get through

I'm not afraid
Of what you'll say to me
For I can simply
Disagree

I'm not afraid
Of what will happen next
It really can't be
That complex

I'm not afraid
Of how it ends
No need for that
I have my friends

I'll never be afraid
That's definite
Left on my own
I'll never quit.

Ok here is a poem i love, i didn’t write it but i love it coz it represents a friendship of mine. U no who u r too!!!

Always feeling alone, until you
I didn’t love myself, until you
I didn’t care about life, until you
I never held a friend’s hand, until you
I never told a friend that I loved her, until you
No one had ever held me for no reason, until you
No one had ever truly known me, until you

Lying in the darkness, without you
I don’t know who I am, without you
I don’t know what to do with myself, without you
How did I ever get by, without you
How did I ever find comfort, without you
Would I have ever seen my true self, without you
Would I have ever known true friendship, without you

There are many types of prejudice in Australian society. There is racial prejudice definately. People will see someone of a certain race and automaticly assume things about their personality and/or lifestyle. There is an amount of sexism mainly i believe certain males thinking that females are not worth their respect and that they are supirior to them. There is homophobia, where straight people think being homosexual is wrong so will judge and dislike the person that is gay because some see it as dirty, unnatural, a sin and wrong. Homosexuality can also break up a family, this is a form of prejudice. There is also religious prejudice, where if you follow a religion you could be discriminated against for it. There is a religion called wicca, This is a form of withcraft, many people would see this to be evil because the stereotype of whitchcraft is to be evil and sinister. But actually Wicca is a form of white witchcraft where the law is that if you send any negative energy out into the universe then it will come back at you 3 times as strong. This is a form of karma. People would consider you a freak if you followed such religion with is grosly unfair. Prejudice is a latge part of Australian society and i don’t think it will change anytime soon.

1) Stereotypes do affect the people in ‘Bend it like Beckham’. In many different ways. Yes i believe it impacts on their choices too. Jes has the stereotype that her parents inflict on her and try to make her follow that stereotype. But her personality just doesn’t fit the stereotype that is inflicted on her so she tries to shrug it of. this is one example

2) Yes stereotypes exist in Australian society. Look at all the racism!!!!! Isn’t that a form of stereotyping!? The way you look can determine the veiw of you. Someone will take a glance at you and instantly put ypou in a category. eg. Someone sees a guy in a hoodie, who is black has many gold chains around his neck and big chunky ring on his fingers and jeans half way down. One would instantlt think that guy is a gangsta. see!? it happens everywhere. all the time

3) Yeah I’ve confronted a stereotype before. My parents expect me to be this perfect straight A student who never forgets anything and is all round perfect. Uh Hello!? Not gonna happen! No-one is perfect! It makes life hard for me. Like last year i came home with a report full of A’s and B’s and my mum said to her friend “She could have done better if she actually out an effort in.” That hurt coz i put heaps of effort behind my marks and she just doesn’t get it. I HATE it.

4) Oh easy. Stereotypes are definately influenced by the media. Media tells you how you should look, how you should act, what you should wear, what you should be doing. I think they come from ancestors. They were expected to be a certain way so they expect you to be a certain way. It goes on and on and on.

One of my challenges has definately been body and self image. I've always been quite negative towards myself. I focus on what needs improvement rather than my qualaties. The negativity led to depression and i was stuck in a negative cycle that was bringing me to ruins. I lost intrest in everything and was always body bashing and telling myself how badder person i was and wondered how anyone could like, let alone love someone like me. I thought i was ugly, fat and an all round horrible person. I had a mental list of 'stuf-ups'  and everytime i did something wrong i'd add it to my list and bash myself up about it. It got to a point where i was so depressed that i was self harming to feel better about myself. I wanted to die. The trains at the station looked inviting. To lie under that is. I was socially withdrawing myself and hiding the battered, bruised and bloodied up parts of my body. So no-one would know my awful secret. I was ashamed. And i wasn't getting better in my veiw i was only getting worse. I started to not eat at school i would take stuff so mum wouldn't know but i threw it out as soon as i got to school. Because i was up before everyone else i didn't eat breakfast. I was hitting the rocks. I was a million emotions at once, anger, fear, hope, angst. Always changing, never stable. But always the feelings of sinking were there. Eventually i ended up seeing the school chaplain and began a slow recovery. I was getting better. Then i hit year eight. My world kept spinning out of controll then mending itself, then turning upside down again. I resumed self harming. I hid it well. No-one knew. Not even my boyfriend of the time. I was insane. At least i thought so. My life just wasn't right. I hated everything about it. Everything in it but most of all i hated myself.

I'm still quite negative, I still have image problems. I still get that sinking feeling and i feel like I'm going to relapse. But I'm learning slowly but surely. I've found people who make me feel beautiful no matter what and don't care so much about my character flaws. I know that whatever problems I encounter I can rely on my friends to pull me through. My life saying is "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, But the moments that take our breath away." and "Beauty is only skin deep. Do not love for looks, Love for Heart and Mind instead."

I love green, Green loves me. We are a perfect couple. Lauren loves Green too. But not as much as me. I love green more dan anyfink n da world (Well there r a couple of things i can think of so i lied k!) NEWAY! Green is hot. Greeeeeeeeeeeen I Looooooove Greeeeeeen. Greeeenieee Peeenniieee Loves meeeeeeeee. Green is my favourite colour cant you tell! Green, Green, Green. Green with envy!!! Ha Ha Ha!! He He He!!! O Gosh. GREEEEEEEEEEN

     Rightio! City experience. Well it was last week on Wednesday 31^st of May Thursday 1^st and Friday the 2^nd of June. We travelled into the city each morning by train which was loud and cramped and annoying. On the first day Wednesday, my large group got off at Richmond station to go to the MCG for a tour. We spend like 20 minutes trying to find the right entrance (No thanks to Mr Bartlett and Mrs Ortleib!!!). But eventually we found the right entrance and split into two groups of people and went of in different directions with our tour guides. The tour was actually quite boring. I didn’t enjoy it all that much. The only thing I really enjoyed was the arty stuff here and there. Oh one really weird thing that happened was we went up to the top ring of seats at like the top of the building and looked back at the ground. Omigosh that was SO scary!! Way too high for me! And boy was climbing the stairs a drag or what????     Then after the MCG we had lunch at
Southgate food hall which was kinda average. But they have good calamari rings!! Then we were to catch a tram to St Kilda beach. Well no such luck!! Mr Bartlett took us to where we could catch a tram and told us to wait on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!! So we missed our tram. Corin called Mr Bartlett to ask him what to do and he just called us fools and said there would be another one in 12 minutes, and denied all responsibility for the incident (No offence Mr B But it is YOUR entire fault!!!). So we caught the next tram to St Kilda which took about 25 minutes. Yvette of course being Yvette had to point out the prostitute along the way (Nice one Yvette!) Corin kept commenting on the sand in holes in the wall of the tram and Mr Rudd called us to check on us because Jessie’s Mum had called Mr Rudd worried about her, because we missed the tram, which was entirely no fault of our own, cough*Mr Bartlett*cough. We eventually got there, and began to fill out our booklets. First we went to Luna Park where Corin made remarks about the giant face’s nostrils and wondered if she could throw her bag into one. I know you’re thinking “what is wrong with this girl!?”, and to tell you the truth I am still trying to work this out myself. ANYWAY!! Then she proceeded to hug the side of the mouth of the huge face (I wonder if she tasted any good?? I must remember to ask him!). When that was all well and done we went on to the Beach. We walked along the path there (I didn’t want sand in my shoes ok!) until we had completed the questions. We then went to the Veg Out community gardens where some guy invited us in to have a look, he willingly answered our questions until we were done and we left. We then waited for the tram back to Flinders street whilst we were waiting Jessie marvelled at a pigeon with a stump for one foot. While we were on the tram back to the station Mr Rudd called us AGAIN!!! To make sure we were ok. We assured him we were ok and that we would be at the station soon. Then onto the train and home again.    

DAY 2.

 Ok day 2. Well on day 2 we all travelled into the city again. We went first to the Ian Potter Gallery. This was actually quite interesting. We had to carry a little fold up chair around for the tour. We saw paintings from when Melbourne was still in the gold rush period. There is not much to say about the tour because not much happened. We then walked down Swanston Street to find the Crossways restaurant. Mrs Ortlieb had trouble finding this place too. We had to double back on ourselves to find it. Crossways was not that brilliant. It was food that is about all I can say for it. I’m not going back there again. We then broke up into our smaller groups. We went to the
Rialto observation deck. This was kinda creepy actually. We were so freaking high up!!! It took a lot of courage for me to go and touch the glass and look down. It was a great view though! We pottered around there for a while answering question etc. until we had to go. We had a bit of trouble getting Corin to leave the building she wanted to stay there forever. But eventually we dragged her ass to the lift and got her on the ground. We then went on to the GPO. The GPO was ok. Nothing brilliant just a lot of really expensive shops that were really big. After we answered our questions there we went had to go to a small church nearby. We saw a Bum there and Corin gave him some money. We then went on to the QV centre. This was hard to find we resorted to asking some guy on the street and he said “Um you’re right in front of it.” We were SO embarrassed but we laughed it off and did our work. The QV was so cool there were so many shops I got quite excited! We then went to Melbourne Central well we got there but realised that we didn’t have the time to do it because we had to get back to Flinders street station. So we went back.    

DAY 3

On day three we went to the Old Melbourne Gaol. This was good up until I got told I was standing where people were executed. Then the guide started telling us about how they were hung and all the gory stuff. And I blocked my ears. But the tout guide was talking so damn loud that I could still hear it all. Mat looked at me and goes are you alright? And I just shake my head. I must have been really pale of something. Jodie left crying and I followed her lead and left. I actually found the whole death thing creepy. I mean we were standing right where people’s lives were brought to and end! That is so not right. After that we went and had lunch wherever. And then we went to the Arts Gallery. That was awesome. I really enjoy art. I loved the ancient Egyptian stuff they had on display. I’m a sucker for ancient Egypt. Then after that was all done we went home again. Ok my Evaluation DON’T go to the Old Melbourne Gaol and NEVER let Mr Bartlett put you on a tram!!!!

Did you have trouble getting to the places you needed to be?Yes we had trouble getting to St Kilda. Mr Bartlet put us on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!! So we therefore missed our first tram and had to wait for another one. So by the time we got there we had limited time to complete the tasks required. But other than that we had no troubles. Oh except finding the QV centre. We asked some poor guy out on the street where it was and he goes. “Umm you’re like standing right in front of it.” We were SOOO embarrassed! 

Were the maps you had useful (did they help you find your way)?Yes the maps were very useful I had mine out all the time as I was like silently elected as our group’s navigator. So if I didn’t have the map I dunno where we would have ended up. 

Did you work effectively as a team?Yes we did, we all got along really well and worked together and laughed when someone effed up. It was great.Which was your favourite activity?Um I really liked the rialto and the Arts centre was so cool! The
Rialto was a bit too high for my liking though. I mean what if the glass broke and I fell out!!!!!!What activities would you not do again?The Old
Melbourne Gaol. I got really disturbed during that and left for most of the tour because the things they were talking about really shook me up. Oh and Crossways was pretty average, nothing great not something I’m going to go out of my way to eat again.

What were the highlights of the City Experience for you?The whole thing was something amazing! It was so cool. Just the whole experience had me in awe.

What surprised you most about the city?How busy it is!!! I’m used to it on ANZAC day when there are no trams and I’m marching up to the shrine!! WOW! It was kinda gross really you have like NO personal space!

What were the main problems you encountered?Missing our tram to St Kilda (MR BARTLET!!!!) and trying to find the QV centre (So embarrassing)

If you organized the City Experience next year, what changes would you make?Nothing, well not really, less questions because a lot of people ran out of time to finish the questions, so maybe an extra day to catch up on anything you missed.Explain why you did or did not enjoy the City Experience as a whole.I enjoyed it because you got to do it in your own group and you learnt how to get around
Melbourne (Don’t trust Mr Bartlet!!! He’ll put you on the wrong tram!!). And you got to see a lot of it in just three days. So cool.